- Self-care is not selfish- While we love our children to death, you cannot be around your toddler 24/7. I understand that options for childcare are limited, but if you are around them all the time, then your mind will only consist of checking if they need to go potty, listening to the same song over and over (“Baby Shark” or “Let It Go” are the top choices in our household), and planning what the next snack will be. A break is good. Not only is it good, but it’s needed. A break is different for everyone. For some moms that could mean doing full-time childcare while you go to work, while for others maybe it is getting a babysitter one night a week. Find your break and the amount of time you need in order to recharge and be ready for the next day.
- Use what they love to your advantage- Is your child not wanting to get dressed in the morning? Does your child not want to brush their teeth? Are they not interested in any of the books you have, or is this your child’s fiftieth tantrum that day? If any of these seem familiar, then try using what they love. Buy clothes that have their favorite color or princess on it. Make sure that the decal on their toothbrush is something they are interested in, and their books, well are there any with their favorite characters or animals? The answer: yes there should be! It seems like once they have hit age one, they navigate toward a specific character or genre. As much as it may annoy you to hear the same Disney song over and over or read the same Paw Patrol book yet again, just know that it is what they love. Use it to make your life easier!
- Patience is practice- I think every parent can remember the first time or maybe even the last time that they completely lost it. No one will ever know why your toddler did not want to get dressed that day or why the vegetables on their plate really pissed them off that day when they had not any other day, but keep as calm as you can, and then when you don’t; just try again the next day. It is not easy and that is why it is a skill, and a skill takes practice.
- Something will always seem wrong- She is not crawling yet. She is breathing a little heavy. Should she know more words by now? Why is she always getting colds? Will childcare be good for her? These were just a few of the billion concerns I have had since becoming a mother. While there are serious child health related issues that need attention, the little worries will never cease, and they often don’t need to be concerns at all. It is as if a mental switch to worry is turned on the minute they are born. It is the curse of parenthood that does not end. The biggest thing I have learned is every child is different. They will not do the exact same things as the neighbor’s child from down the street. Know that they are perfectly yours, and if you do have these concerns, then you’re probably already doing an amazing job.
- Once is always- This one is learned quickly. If it has not happened yet, it will. If you implement something once, please understand that your toddler will think that means always from now on. The most popular is probably dessert after dinner. While it is just a hot fudge sundae as a treat for you, it is an expected hot fudge sundae after every meal for them. Another winner is when you push bedtime back an hour one day. You better be prepared for the next day to be just the same. Our most popular one was keeping the bedroom door open while our toddler sleeps. I’m talking the whole night. I tried to close it after she fell asleep, but my daughter would wake up screaming at two or three in the morning. I wish we never started this because now we have an “open door or no one sleeps” policy around here. The hardest thing is to break something that has stuck, especially when once becomes twice then three or four times. Don’t get me wrong, it is possible to break some things, but do what works best for you and your sanity!
- Take the trip- One of my pet peeves is when a “Karen” says “Why would you do that? They won’t even remember it.” Or “Why would you spend that much money? They are too little for that.” My answer every time is that I will remember it. Do what is best for you and your family. If that means taking an expensive trip, in order to get away, in order to make memories, to take the best pictures, have a fun time, see family or friends, then you need to do it. Yes, I know your one or two-year-old will not remember it, but they sure will like seeing those pictures on your phone in the years to come. You will also love seeing those memories, too. Another argument is the hassle it takes to prepare and go on the trip. I know that you will probably pack half of your house, the tantrums during the travel time will seem endless, sleeping schedules will be messed up, sibling arguments will rise, but once they get that new experience like seeing the beach for the first time, riding on their first ride, going to a bigger zoo or aquarium, it will be worth it. So, take the trip because you’re helping them develop and learn, and you’re giving them a chance at new experiences and memories (for you).
- Toy rotations- I am not sure where I saw this, but it has saved my life. Before having my child, I knew I wanted a designated toy area in the living room. Most parents have something similar. Maybe it is not an area, maybe it is the whole living room. (Whatever works for you and your house.) Well, it took a while for me to change out those toys in that area, and I was wondering why my daughter was getting so bored so quickly. So, at least twice a week, I will go into her room without her seeing and take out some other toys to switch them for what has been in the living room corner. It helps her remember what she has and it’s a bonus for me as it keeps her more entertained.
- Sponge activities- If you’re a teacher, then you definitely understand this one, but sponge activities do not just apply to education purposes. Sponge activities are lessons, games, or quick assignments that soak up the remaining time you have left. Now I know your remaining time with your child is endless, but let’s say you’re out to dinner and your child has already played with the toys you brought or you’re waiting in line at the grocery store and they don’t want to watch Ms. Rachel on your phone. (p.s. if you do not know who Ms. Rachel is on YouTube and you have a toddler, then do yourself a favor and put her on when you need a moment to yourself.) Anyways, a sponge activity works best when it’s something new. After they have played with everything you initially brought, then you bring out the new toy or a coloring book they have not seen in a while. Sticker books work great with my child. Sponge activities, or might I call them sponge items, are for emergencies because a new toy every time you’re in a pinch would not be as exciting. So, use them sparingly, but they will help soak up the rest of the time you are out to dinner or waiting in that long grocery store line.
- Just enjoy it! If I had a scoop of ice cream for the number of times people told me that I need to enjoy the newborn phase because it will go by fast, I would own a Baskin Robbins right now. The sad thing is every single one of those people were right! It goes by way too fast. It will not feel like it when someone tells you or when you’re changing your thousandth diaper or calming the multiple tantrums a day, but it will blur by. The days are so long, but the years are incredibly short. Take a moment, step back, and enjoy it.
-January 2024
Mattison M. Casaus 